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Addergoole Forum - View topic - Interlude: Ty




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Interlude: Ty 
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Post Interlude: Ty
Ty ty ty ty ty

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Thu May 10, 2012 12:40 am
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Post Re: Interlude: Ty
Lyn Thorne-Alder wrote:
Ty ty ty ty ty

YES! Although one of these days I would like to know what, exactly, it is that makes Ty so formidable...

Also, I'm not sure that Shahin will be at all happy about loaning out Xaviera to Ofir...

In other news, the pronouns in the last part of the chapter confuse me.
"She, Ty noted, was frowning, but it looked more like it was hiding a smirk than anything."
With no clear referent established, that "She" ought to mean either Ofir's mentor or maybe Regine.
"She, Ty saw, was inching towards the door. He let go of Jamian so he could talk to her"
That makes it pretty clear that "She" is Kendra. But is it a different "She" from the first one? It doesn't sound like it, but in that case, the first "She" should probably be changed to "Kendra".


Thu May 10, 2012 7:26 am
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Post Re: Interlude: Ty
Quote:
With no clear referent established, that "She" ought to mean either Ofir's mentor or maybe Regine


I'm going with Valerian - Regine does not smirk. (That would exhibit an emotion, wouldn't it?)

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Thu May 10, 2012 11:18 am
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Post Re: Interlude: Ty
http://www.addergoole.com/0298.html
That last bit is extremely confusing. It needs less pronouns and more names.

Quote:
"Yeah… yeah. Come on, Kaia." He looked dazed, and obeyed without thinking.

That's confusing too. Why would Conrad mindlessly obey Ty when he belongs to Kailani?

Quote:
He'd never really cared, until Jamian had started pointing things out. It was easy to care, when you couldn't read people's emotions.

Easy to NOT care, since Ty can't read people's emotions and we know VanderLinden can.

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Fri May 11, 2012 11:29 am
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Post Re: Interlude: Ty
Kunama wrote:
http://www.addergoole.com/0298.html
That last bit is extremely confusing. It needs less pronouns and more names.

Quote:
"Yeah… yeah. Come on, Kaia." He looked dazed, and obeyed without thinking.

That's confusing too. Why would Conrad mindlessly obey Ty when he belongs to Kailani?


The Bond instills a habit of obedience in general. Emrys notes this at one point, when he'd Kept by Shahin.

Quote:
He'd never really cared, until Jamian had started pointing things out. It was easy to care, when you couldn't read people's emotions.

Easy to NOT care, since Ty can't read people's emotions and we know VanderLinden can.[/quote]

Yep, typo. Thanks.

~Lyn

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