August 31, 2015 by Lyn
Are you an angel?
Am I already that gone?
I only hope that I won’t disappoint you
Shahin woke early Saturday morning, blessedly not from bad dreams, and lay soaking in the warmth of Emrys’ presence.
This was the last morning it would be like this, the last morning she’d wake up in his bed wearing nothing but her gloves and his collar. She was startled, and just a wee bit chagrined, to find the thought filled her with remorse. She was going to miss this.
Miss being humiliated for three meals a day? Miss not seeing your friends? No… but she would miss the possessive, protective way he looked at her, and the warm feeling when he rested his hand just so on the small of her back. And all that would go away today.
She’d wanted this. She’d wanted him to explain the collars to her. She’d wanted what was coming next, more, to own him. To control him. To win.
Right now, she was simply terrified that she wouldn’t be his anymore, that this happy safe feeling would end. And more terrified at what that might mean… that it might mean he was winning.
She slunk over his body, slowly, until she was straddling him, her head resting on his collarbone, her hands on his biceps, as close to him as she could be.
His eyes opened slowly, and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly against him. “Good morning,” he murmured.
“Good morning,” she replied, kissing his chest gently. She needed to be closer to him. It would be hard to get closer to him than this. Unless…
She sat up, reaching for one glove with the other hand. If she took her gloves off, she could be closer. She’d be nearly in his mind if she did that.
He watched her curiously, the flickering flames in his eyes subdued, hands sliding up her thighs to hold and stabilize her. It was a nice feeling, him supporting her, everything in his hands.
She hesitated, looking at her gloves. This was the one thing still in her hands – her hands. If she gave in there, there’d be nothing left to surrender. He would have won completely.
She sighed, and dropped her hands back to his shoulders, still covered.
“Not today?” he murmured.
“Not today,” she answered softly. She rested her head on his chest again. “I’m sorry.” And she was. She didn’t want to hurt him, or disappoint him.
“It’s alright. Just be with me.” He held her tightly against him, the heat of his body emanating in almost physical waves to enfold her.
“I can do that.” She kept her voice very quiet, hoping he wouldn’t hear how it was shaking. “I like being here with you.”
“And I like having you here.” He paused a moment, idly stroking her back, before continuing. “It doesn’t have to change, you know. Or even if it does, you can stay here after the next week.”
She shuddered softly. She didn’t want it to end. She wanted to stay here in his arms forever, to be his forever.
“Oh, my,” she murmured. I told you this wasn’t a game, he’d said almost a week ago. And it certainly wasn’t. It was insidious and tricky – and, of course, so was he. “Could we discuss that later? Maybe tomorrow?”
“Of course. Whenever you want. I’ll be here for you.”
She relaxed, settling back down against him. “Thank you.” Maybe he didn’t really want to break her completely. He’d been nicer since Thursday morning, almost considerate.
“Mmm…” He glanced over to the clock on the end table, frowning slightly. “We slept late this morning.”
“We stayed out late last night.” She shifted her body, just a little, as subtly tempting as she could be, rubbing against him. “And it’s nice here.”
“It is, isn’t it… I could stay in bed a bit longer.”
“I’d like that.” She smiled warmly, continuing to move slowly against him.
“You can just keep that up, then, love.” Love.
“Mmm,” she purred. “I thought it might be a good idea.” Love. She moved slowly atop him, trying not to think about the way that word made her feel, trying not to wonder if he could mean it, when he’d thrown it out there so casually.
He moved under her, his hands on her hips, directing her, and before long, she stopped worrying about anything.
Love. She lay atop him, sated, content… in love? It was hard to tell, with the pressure of the bond pushing on her. Would it feel like this?
“Love?” she breathed, almost afraid to ask, but daring because she needed to know.
“Yes?” He answered her quietly, a contented smile on his face, clearly misinterpreting her question.
“Did you mean it?” she asked, wishing she didn’t sound so needy.
“Hasn’t this place taught you the power of words by now? I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it.” He held her close against him still, radiating that enveloping warmth.
She snuggled against that heat, thinking about what he’d said. “Mmm….” She hesitated thoughtfully. “I like the way that sounds. But…” She bit her lip, and then shook her head. “I like it.”
“But you have doubts,” he probed gently.
“I’m not sure Belonging to you gives me room to have doubts.”
“It makes them unnecessary, but you can have them. It doesn’t compel your heart.”
She eyed him thoughtfully. It might not be her heart, but something in her chest certainly felt compelled. “Have you ever tried it?”
“Being on the other side? No… but I guess I’ll find out.”
“Yeah.” She’d wanted that since he first grabbed her collar. Why did the thought bother her so much now?
He watched her closely, reading the look in her eyes. “Unless you’ve changed your mind?”
“You promised,” she reminded him, rather than answer his question. “The world shifted around us when you swore.”
“It did, indeed. It could only be undone by our mutual consent. Any oath can be released, of course.”
She smirked slowly. He was clever, her master, and he was using her doubts against her. She should have known better than to let down her guard. “Of course. But I haven’t changed my mind.”
“Of course not. And I hear it’s worth experiencing, anyway.”
“‘Worth experiencing.’” She couldn’t help a throaty chuckle. ”Mm, yes, I’d say it is.”
“And now we’ve missed breakfast time… so there’s not much point to getting out of bed. Although I suppose we should get you something to eat,” he mused.
“I’m not hungry.” She rarely was, lately.
“Regardless, you have to eat. We could go down to the café.”
“That would be better than the dining hall.” She poked him playfully. “I think you’re trying to fatten me up.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “Perish the thought.”
She rested her hand on her flat stomach. “I like myself the way I am.” She tried for over-the-top cute but tripped on a bit of pitiful as she asked, “Don’t you?”
“I like you just the way you are,” he agreed. “Let’s throw some clothes on though, unless you wanted to walk down to the café like this. I think we’d turn too many heads,” he grinned.
She grinned back at him. “I would if you would,” she teased, “but I wouldn’t mind some clothing, either.” Slowly, rather regretfully, she disentangled herself from him.
“I’d rather you didn’t actually, I don’t particularly like to share.” He rolled out of the bed, hunting for something to wear.
“And that’s of course why you wanted me naked in the Dining Hall the other day. The red shirt looks nice on you,” she added absently, unearthing it. “And I think it’s clean.”
“I didn’t really, I just had to think of something I knew you’d fight. I wasn’t going to let you do it.” He took the shirt from her, snatching up pants to go with it.
“Hrmff.” There wasn’t much more she could say to that. She picked a pair of wristies that left her fingers bare, and dressed to coordinate with his outfit as much as she could. “You’re lucky I didn’t puke on your shoes.”
“That’s still an impressive talent you’ve got there.” He finished dressing and turned towards the door, extending a hand to her. “Shall we?”
“As you wish.” She set her hand in his, loving the feel of his skin bare against hers.
He walked with her that way through the halls, until they reached the passageway that, once again, she had to close her eyes to walk through. She didn’t hesitate this time, trusting him to guide her with one hand on the small of her back and his other holding hers as she strode confidently forward, secure in the knowledge that he would guard her.
The Village spread out before them as she opened her eyes once again, bustling with mid-morning activity. They strolled the streets casually, heading to the small café he’d taken her to before, and Emrys smiled at the waitress as he requested a table for two.
She smiled at him as he held her chair for her. It was almost a real date, and a thousand times better than suffering through yet another meal with his friends.
That’s over now. Even if she wasn’t sure she wanted to let go, she would be relieved to never have to deal with that poisonous bitch Aggie again.
He ordered for her, as before, although she had to wonder yet again at his motives when she saw his choices. Maybe he just didn’t believe what she said about her appetite? She didn’t complain. There wasn’t that much time left, and she could fight with him next week.
When her laden plate came, she picked around the edges, trying not to appear as if she wasn’t eating.
“So, are we going to the dance tonight?”
She blinked at him for a moment, the idea of making a decision strange and novel. “No,” she answered after a moment. “No, I don’t think we are.”
“Then we’ve got an afternoon to kill. I suppose we could just stay in, after breakfast…”
She eyed him thoughtfully. “What did you have in mind?” And what was he up to?
“Mmm, well, we could pick up where we left off this morning.”
She studied him for another long moment, before the clock hanging on the back wall of the café caught her eye. Aaah. “Perhaps we can improvise as we go along?” she offered, smirking.
“I suppose we could, at that. But finish your breakfast first.”
She looked mournfully at her breakfast and began eating it. ”Only if you want me to lose it again.”
“Hey, it’s not that bad. You need to eat.”
“I’m eating.” And it was staying down, miracle of miracles. ”When did you get all mother-henny?”
“I’m just taking care of you. It’s important that you eat,” he insisted stubbornly.
She ate, hurrying at it to minimize the time he sat there watching her, and paused with about two-third of the plate empty. “I’m full,” she told him plaintively. ”Could I stop now?”
“If you’re really full, then okay. Just remember that you need to eat later.”
“You can remind me,” she smiled, standing. ”I believe you mentioned something about spending the day in bed?”
“I did indeed.” He stood as well, taking her hand again. “Let’s return to it, then.”
If it was all like this, her hand in his and him taking care of her, she could be his forever… even with the uncomfortably-full state of her stomach. She walked beside him, smiling and content, as they made the trek back to his room.