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Chapter 42b: Jamian


August 20, 2015 by Lyn

All I ever wanted, was to be what you needed
‘Cause something so strong, it could never be wrong
And all I can promise, is to say what I’m feeling

Jamian stared at Ty, his mouth agape. Belonging. Sanctity. Names. He scrambled to make it make any sense at all.

“But wait,” he finally managed, “you walked right in here without an invitation.”

“Ah, yeah,” Ty bit his lip. “That’s because it’s technically my place.”

“Because you own me.” It sounded a little less dirty every time he said it. Maybe if he said it enough, it would stop making him want to vomit.

Ty nodded wordlessly. “I…” Better face it now. “I said I’d belong to you forever,” he choked out.

His… his owner… stared at him in horror for a moment. He looked as if he was going to cry. “Don’t you want to be with me?” he whispered. She whispered. How did she do that?

Jamian winced, and wrapped an arm around Tya’s shoulders awkwardly. “I do,” he said, trying to sound as if he wasn’t forcing the words out around the lump in his throat. “I like you a lot, Tya. I like being with you.” He gulped a little. “I like dating you… I’d like to be dating you,” he corrected. They weren’t really dating yet, were they? “But I don’t really know if I like being your possession. And forever is a really, really long time, Tya. Especially if we’re immortal.”

She leaned into his arm, sighing softly. “You’ll like it more as time goes on. I’ll treat you well.”

He ran his hands through her hair, wondering how to explain how insufficient that was, how scary it was to think that he’d eventually come to accept this as normal, even like it. It hits you hard, the first couple times she pulls the leash, Niki had said, but after a while, you stop noticing… Was he going to grow to like the leash?

She looked up at him, smiling sadly through her hair. “But that’s not enough, is it?”


“It’s okay. It’s never really enough. I understand.”

“I…” Why did he suddenly feel like the bad guy? Because she was looking at him as if he’d just taken away her puppy… when her puppy was his free will.

He gulped hard. “I can be your pet, if you really want me to.”

She blinked up at him hesitantly. “Really?”

Oh, fuck. Visions of pink dog collars danced in his head. “Really. Collar and all, if you want.” Please don’t put a dog collar on me. Please don’t let it be pink.

Her expression lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. “Really? You’d stand for that?”

“If you told me to, I wouldn’t have a choice.” He regretted it the moment it was said; her face fell.

“But that’s different. It’s not the same if you’re being dragged along because you were told to.”

Then let me go. Somehow, he couldn’t say it. Instead, he patted her head and shoulders awkwardly. “Look, if it will make you happy, you can put a leash and collar on me and I won’t argue.” Even if it killed him.

Her mood swings might kill him first. She hugged him with rib-bruising ferocity and a little squeal of joy for punctuation.

He patted her shoulders awkwardly, trying to relax and accept the sensation of her that close to him, her face on his collarbone, her hands on his back. She murmured something into his chest, muffled and incoherent.

“What was that?” he asked, as gently as he could. He didn’t want her to start crying again.

“It’s not forever.” This time he heard her. She looked up at him, hesitant and nervous. He wanted his smiling Ty back, the mischievous party boy he’d met in the hall. He didn’t know what to do with this weeping girl. It’s…

“It’s not?” It finally sank in.

She shook her head, smiling a little at his stunned expression. Slowly, she sat up, as Jamian struggled to understand what he was feeling. Loss? Why was he feeling lost about this? He didn’t want to be her pet forever!

“It’s not forever,” she repeated a third time. “Technically, by the Law, we’re still Students – I’m still a Student and,” she smirked lightly, “you’re still a Child until you choose a Mentor.”

He’d explain later that he already had a Mentor. Ty’d been so jealous at the thought that he was sleeping with VanderLinden – he didn’t want to spark that fire right now. “So we still count under those first two Laws of Belonging, then?” Tya nodded. “Then how does that work?”

“It’s a function of the school.” She shrugged. “I’m not sure exactly how they do it, but things that shouldn’t work on Students and Children do – so you can be Owned and still have a Mentor, or really vice-versa, and Oaths stick – as long as you’re not Owned – where they shouldn’t. So any bond formed by students only lasts until they graduate.” She smiled again, although it looked a little sad. “This is my last year at Addergoole. As a student, at least. The longest that I can hold onto you, Own you, is just over nine more months.”

“So, when you said ‘forever…?’” There was hope there, but he was afraid to acknowledge it; there was dread, and he was even more afraid to examine that.

“I was being romantic.” Tya blushed. “Sort of impulsive. Not a good thing to do, when you’re promising things.”

He wasn’t going to be her pet forever. Pink dog collars seemed far more tolerable if it was only going to be for another nine months. Wait… romantic?

“Romantic? Like, you wanted to be dating me?”

“Yeah,” she answered, biting her lip, “pretty much exactly like that.”

“Oh… wow.” She was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen, and she wanted to be romantic with him. She’s no more a girl than you are. She was, however, every bit as much a girl as he was. And the only person in this school who wouldn’t find what was in his pants novel.

He wanted to kiss her. What’s the worst that can happen?

She shoves you away. Or she pins you down and takes you, right now, right here. He supposed a shiver that he couldn’t say was good or bad. It could blow up in his face so many different ways…

Aw, fuck it. He leaned forward to close the tiny distance between them, and kissed her.

He’d meant it… well, he wasn’t certain exactly what he’d meant. This whole kissing thing was still very new to him. But he’d thought about kissing her gently, and thought about kissing her enough to let her know what he was happy it wasn’t forever, and thought about kissing her like he wanted her to pin him down and…

…and then he stopped thinking, and let her kiss him…

…and kissed her back, pulling her closer to him as she wrapped her legs around his waist, tugging herself onto his lap. He cupped her ass with both hands, loving how perfect she felt, how perfectly she fit against him.

Her nipples were hard, pressing up against her t-shirt. She nuzzled against his neck, kissing a line of tiny kisses where he imagined a collar would lie. It was heavenly. “Take off…” she stopped herself mid-whisper, and his heart stopped beating. “Would you take off your shirt for me, Jamian?”

Through the haze of sudden dread, he realized she’d taken the time to ask instead of commanding. “I… I can’t do this yet, Ty, Tya,” he stammered, feeling like a fool but still panicking.

“It’s okay,” she coaxed. “Just your shirt. I promise that’s all I’ll ask today. Please?” He gulped; she continued, “you had your shirt off when I rubbed your back.”

“Yeah,” he said nervously, “but that was different.” He’d been face down on the bed, for one.

She kissed his neck again, and then again, this time with a hint of teeth. “If,” she murmured “if you do this for me, just take off your shirt, and I’ll take off mine, for the next week, you can tell me to stop anything, anything I’m doing, and I will. Anything that’s over the line in public, just say stop, and I will. If I push too hard in private… same thing.”

“Anything?” A week wasn’t that long. On the other hand, it was a lot more than Ty had offered before.

“Anything.” She smiled faintly. “I have to learn somehow.”

He swallowed hard again. At least she was trying to learn. That was a good sign, right? “Promise you won’t freak out and run away?”

Tya chuckled softly. “Nothing I haven’t seen before, dear. I won’t run away.”

He wanted to, he really did, but he was frozen. He held onto the bottom of his t-shirt, trying not to twitch.

“Here,” she said, smiling gently. “I’ll turn around… and I’ll take mine off first.”

She did so, twisting in his lap until her back was to him, then shimmying her shirt off, baring her slender, boyish (duh) back, down to her pants and the cute little tail hanging out over her waistband. Impulsively, he planted a kiss in the center of her open back. She was smooth, unbelievably smooth and perfect, and smelled lightly of lavender.

More importantly, she wasn’t looking at him. That gave him the courage to slide his…

who are you fooling, kid? You’re not a “him” any more than she’s a “her.”…to slid its shirt off, and, trembling with nerves, press its small breasts against Tya’s beautiful back

1 comment »

  1. K Orion Fray says:

    Oh Jame. I can’t even begin to fathom your experience. Poor kid.

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